Grapefruit Diary 2/ A Proper Census of My Household

If I filled out the Census Questionnaire properly, it would be a dozen pages long and take me most of the rest of the month to complete. It asks how many persons live at a particular place, the place where I am, but it never says whether to exclude any of those who only live here in my head.

 First, there is me, there is I, yes, Person Number One, yes, I am.

(My brain wants now to talk about how many households fall into conflict over which of those who live in a household is the Number One Person. Whew. I sent my brain back to bed.)

I, person Number One, do live here, but there are days, and the questionnaire asks about this, when it doesn't seem like Person Number One is here, that he is off traveling or floating or trying to find certain shapes in cloud formations.
In the morning, after waking and cutting up the grapefruit, I do find clues he was here - the ends of eaten shrimp, a half a' tomato left on a saucer, the keys near, but not on the hook. So, should I write in that Person Number One is not always here, but that I could not say where he goes?

Then there is Joe. You know, Joe Nation, there's another wreck of humanity for you. Oh yes,. You say, oh no, he's not a wreck, just a bit leaky when it comes to shortening the stories he tries to tell.  Right. Ain't there gonna be some discussion coming about over whether he ever calls anywhere home. He said that, not me. Of course, he is the main problem with this census thing because he is the one who keeps bringing people home and depositing them around the apartment like so many hats, lamps and books of ancient languages.

Some have names. That's good, because the sheet is supposed to be filled out with names.
CALVIN (Nasca) BARAMON - I don't know him, but he has dogs which are quite likable and three cats which do not shed. He plays guitar.
EDDIE GYMEP - A Russian, I think, maybe from the Ukraine. One of my coaches.
YALOR and CLIP'SE DAKOTEE - they are sisters or cousins or brothers. They laugh at meals and mumble comments during movies.

My uncles live here, did I mention them yet? Ah. Okay, just in order of either birthdate or how I remember meeting them.
Bud, the youngest but see below.
Frank, answers the phone
William, fills out the paperwork except for this census
Pat, known for his ability to mix up eggs.
Eddie (Don't get him mixed up with the coach.) much nicer, takes photos.
O'Sky -the family's last hippie guy
Cornelius  (Con)- can sing more Irish songs than anyone drunk or sober
Paul - makes the bed up every afternoon, likes to fold towels
Mick - Tries to keep quiet, but isn't allowed.
Edward (He hates Edward as a name but we already had two Eddies) Of course, as the actual youngest, his philosophy of life is that we are the stupidest folks on the face of the Earth and about three-quarters of Mars.
Bertie/Birdie/Birdue/Bir-debt, who sometimes thinks about smoking on the fire escape or getting a tattoo.

Tomorrow, if the grapefruit speaks of them, I'll list off all females around here. oogod. They are crammed in every corner, line half the shelves in both the closets and are constantly picking at my food. I am swept away by all of them.